she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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