you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize