We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize