careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
