Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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