but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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