just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
