uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
