its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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