you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
