I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
