the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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