Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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