This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
