So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
