My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
