He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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