I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
