Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
