Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
