I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize