I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
