this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she smelled like a LAN party
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
