9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
