What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Less talking, more tequila
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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