Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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