guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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