Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
