I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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