If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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