hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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