This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
