A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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