His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
