Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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