with your own penis?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
