sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
