We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
