so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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