i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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