I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
