o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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