Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
