You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Drunk is not a location!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
