you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
