She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
