john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
