my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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