I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
