What a dumb baby whore.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
