She's like a pop up book from hell.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
