I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i barfeds in our rink
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
