i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can you bring me the toilet please
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
