You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
