Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
