As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
