Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize