I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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