Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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