Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
