dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
