you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
