what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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